Still about That Love

Not only does God criticize me when I do something false, but He also guides and keeps telling me that what He gives is the best for me.

As humans, we only have limited perspective. But God, He can see the whole perspective... unlimited! So, when we ask something to him and He doesn't give it to us, that could mean what we ask to Him is not the best for us.

I have this example. I like that guy I shared on previous post... and I really wish to become that special woman in his life. And it has ever come to my mind, that if we really have that special relationship, maybe it won't take a long time for us to have a marriage, for he is not young anymore. Thus, I will have to bury my plan to continue my study abroad. Maybe I will just gonna waste those valuable times and hard works I've been through for several years. And, no one knows, maybe in the future, somehow I will regret it. A little, or much, there must be regret to this, because I've been longing to pursue my education abroad with a scholarship.

So, maybe God decides that it is better for me not to have special relationship with him. Then, I can put my focus on trying to get this scholarship. =) I'm still waiting for the admission results from 4 universities I've applied. Wish that one of the universities accepts me to be its student using funds from my scholarship. =)

I wish....

I really wish....

This Love

I met him on September 18, 2010. He looked charming, a kind of easy-going person that you could easily talk with. And I liked the way he paid attention to what I said. Yeah... women always love to be heard, right? =)

At first, I didn't have any feelings for him. I knew that he was just an ordinary fellow that I accidentally met in a random situation. Well, it was a random situation with an extraordinary dress I thought. He wore an elegant coat while I dressed up like a princess with a beautiful gown. That was a very nice night to spend.

He asked some personal things, I answered and asked him back. It's just so easy to have a nice conversation with him. I felt comfortable and appreciated there.

After having some chit-chat and laughter, the party was over. And he asked for my phone number and I asked for his, either. I ended the night with a hope to see him again, to have more than just one wonderful night with him. 

A couple of days after the night, he called me. I felt very happy. And one more call showed up several days after that call. And the third call came not very long after his second call. So, like a fool who was in love, I started to imagine myself as his girlfriend, and also... his wife. Although we only met once, and talked several times on the phone, but my imagination went far beyond.

From the conversation with him at the party, I got an impression that he was a Christian. So, I started to read this book, Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones, a book intended for Christian women. Even though I didn't have a clear perspective about my future with him, I wanted to start preparing myself to be a Christian. Seemed like crazy, huh? :)

Reading several pages of the book, I felt an impulse. It was as if God spoke to me from the book, "Why do you have to wait? Don't wait for him to be a Christian. Be a Christian now! Be a Christian now, with all of your heart and soul, like Ruth."

When I was 14 years old, I ever thought of becoming a Christian. But my mother gave me some considerations that made me canceled my wish. 

But, it was different. By then, I was mature enough to make my decision about a religion I believed in. So, after a short consideration and a little debate in myself, I decided to be a Catholic, regardless of what would happen to my relationship with him.

Not long after taking that decision (maybe about 5 minutes), I had this feeling that I wouldn't meet or have any contact with him again in the future. I didn't sure, but I thought maybe that was God telling me this, so that I wouldn't need to wait for him anymore. We only met at the crossroads of our lives. He came in my life for just a very short period, to join him in this same shelter of Christianity. I cried when I realized that his role in my life was over and that I wouldn't meet him again. But, I was also happy because since then I had a bigger figure to rely on, God Himself.

Thank you dear God, for letting me join Your shelter. 

 

Like what have been told in Lady in waiting: Give your heart to Him. And let He decide what's best for you. When the time is right, He will let you find your prince--if meeting a prince is the best thing for you. So, just wait patiently... and trust your heart in Him. =)