Agnostic

Now I start to understand why my friend felt sad when her friend told her that she doubted the religion they've shared.

A few days ago, I met a friend and I heard before that he has changed, from a Christian to an agnostic.

At first, I heard of his talking and didn't feel anything because I've heard about his changing mind before. But later, when he started to talk about how he doubted the existence of the Lord, who has created him and given him so many countless blessings, I believe He does give each of us countless blessings, I started to feel sad. 

I didn't know why I suddenly started to cry when actually I wanted to tell him my idea about his opinion. I just felt that while I was talking, my tears were so eager to run down from my eyes.

Later did I figure out, that maybe it was like a feeling of hurt when you heard of someone didn't love his/her parents. Yes, when I associated the feeling I felt in that position, I start to understand the reason I cried for. I felt sorry that he didn't feel thankful and grateful for things he has received from Him. And I really wish to help him go back to this faithful path, although maybe he doesn't want my help.

Well, maybe all I can do is to pray to Him, hoping that He will touch my friend with His Holy Spirit and let him back to the right path once again. 


Let's just hope....

No Copyright Intended The Music belongs to its respectful Owner..

Refresh!

Now I understand why I keep feeling happier everytime I leave the church,

Because there, in the church, we are renewed again, like a stuck website, or an error computer, we need to be refreshed! :)

Keep your life refreshed every time and everywhere with your beloved friends! It surely works out! =D

An acknowledgement to The Corrs who has accompanied me with their song Would you be happier while I'm writing this.

It's not me, it is YOU

It is a vanity to consider an achievement as a result of our own effort.
As my friend mentioned before, "Less of me, and more of You."

Before this, I always think that many things have happened because of my effort, my luck, and many other things that I’ve done. But tonight, my teacher made me realized that I was wrong. You are The One who had arranged all of them! And now, after all these years, I just realized it, I mean really realize it and be so conscious about it! Didn’t it so very late?-stupid me!

"Why me?" I wonder, like many people wonder, "why you?" There are so many people that are more than me. More clever, more skilled, more experienced, more knowledge, and so many other things I lack of.
But He answered, “Because I have a plan that I want you to go through.”

Realizing each blessing, each grace, and unlimited mercy He has given and offered, I understand that I was very stupid those days to think that I experienced this wonderful life because of my ownself.
How could I doubt all His Mightiness and believe that many of these happen because of me myself?? How foolish I am to think so! I have heard that people said, “Lucky is not the thing behind a person’s success, but countless hardwork, effort, and diligence are.” And I did still believe so a moment ago, with of course an addition of some percent of God’s will. But now I understand, that God’s will is the only thing that matters.

From the beginning! Maybe since I was in the high school, or maybe earlier when I was in my junior high school, or maybe even since I was a 4-year-old kid. How high my pride is to say that I got all of these because of me myself??

From my childhood, He made me love dogs and other animals. He made me want to be a veterinarian, then He sent great biology teachers to make me love that subject the most. Next, He arranged things so that I could pursue my undergraduate study in a great university where I met those great professionals in wildlife and inspired by them. I also learned and felt interest in conservation genetics and applied for a scholarship to deepen the subject. And everything is in His guidance.

I remember to regard my friend was so fortunate to get a scholarship. And I felt that she must be so blessed to get it. And then, after I got mine, I just took it for granted, as if it is how it supposed to be. How can I be so forgetful? I forgot that He has arranged all of these for me. I forgot that He is The One who has given me this wonderful life. I should have been very grateful and thankful to him, every second and every minute of my life, for this life I live is not my own, it belongs to Him.

Be grateful, be thankful, for all matters He has given to you. No matter how it seems in the start. Because He always knows what the best for us.

Guide within Me

By Your Lantern, I will be brave to go through dark tunnels
By Your Guidance, I will be able to go through impossible things
I will be strong and audacious to follow the path You’ve shown me.
Amen.

Dear Noble Father,
I am so thankful and grateful for Your Invitation to let me joining Your Shelter.
Because by joining it, I get faith, trust, and a solid foundation to live a life.
You are my Guide, The Only One who knows the best for me. Without You, I may get lost in this complicated life and do not know which way I should take. But with You by my side, I am convinced that a certain decision is really the best for me.

Like Abraham, I do not know what I will face there in my future where You have assigned me. But I know that You will always there to guide and protect me from bad things, offer me great things, and plan the best for me. 

You have answered my prayer when You let him said yes to accept me as his follower. However, I don’t know why he never responses my further email after that. Maybe he is very busy. But, I don’t know. I just don’t really understand why he can’t reply-even very short reply-email of mine.

Maybe You have a different plan for me. The yes answer was to assign me to go there. But maybe You actually want me to work with another person. I don’t know. All I can do now, is only praying and hoping for the best….

Amen.

Conscience

If we listen to the wrong ones, our conscience will be weakened...

While... if we listen to the right ones, it will get stronger and stronger... =)

Still about That Love

Not only does God criticize me when I do something false, but He also guides and keeps telling me that what He gives is the best for me.

As humans, we only have limited perspective. But God, He can see the whole perspective... unlimited! So, when we ask something to him and He doesn't give it to us, that could mean what we ask to Him is not the best for us.

I have this example. I like that guy I shared on previous post... and I really wish to become that special woman in his life. And it has ever come to my mind, that if we really have that special relationship, maybe it won't take a long time for us to have a marriage, for he is not young anymore. Thus, I will have to bury my plan to continue my study abroad. Maybe I will just gonna waste those valuable times and hard works I've been through for several years. And, no one knows, maybe in the future, somehow I will regret it. A little, or much, there must be regret to this, because I've been longing to pursue my education abroad with a scholarship.

So, maybe God decides that it is better for me not to have special relationship with him. Then, I can put my focus on trying to get this scholarship. =) I'm still waiting for the admission results from 4 universities I've applied. Wish that one of the universities accepts me to be its student using funds from my scholarship. =)

I wish....

I really wish....

This Love

I met him on September 18, 2010. He looked charming, a kind of easy-going person that you could easily talk with. And I liked the way he paid attention to what I said. Yeah... women always love to be heard, right? =)

At first, I didn't have any feelings for him. I knew that he was just an ordinary fellow that I accidentally met in a random situation. Well, it was a random situation with an extraordinary dress I thought. He wore an elegant coat while I dressed up like a princess with a beautiful gown. That was a very nice night to spend.

He asked some personal things, I answered and asked him back. It's just so easy to have a nice conversation with him. I felt comfortable and appreciated there.

After having some chit-chat and laughter, the party was over. And he asked for my phone number and I asked for his, either. I ended the night with a hope to see him again, to have more than just one wonderful night with him. 

A couple of days after the night, he called me. I felt very happy. And one more call showed up several days after that call. And the third call came not very long after his second call. So, like a fool who was in love, I started to imagine myself as his girlfriend, and also... his wife. Although we only met once, and talked several times on the phone, but my imagination went far beyond.

From the conversation with him at the party, I got an impression that he was a Christian. So, I started to read this book, Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones, a book intended for Christian women. Even though I didn't have a clear perspective about my future with him, I wanted to start preparing myself to be a Christian. Seemed like crazy, huh? :)

Reading several pages of the book, I felt an impulse. It was as if God spoke to me from the book, "Why do you have to wait? Don't wait for him to be a Christian. Be a Christian now! Be a Christian now, with all of your heart and soul, like Ruth."

When I was 14 years old, I ever thought of becoming a Christian. But my mother gave me some considerations that made me canceled my wish. 

But, it was different. By then, I was mature enough to make my decision about a religion I believed in. So, after a short consideration and a little debate in myself, I decided to be a Catholic, regardless of what would happen to my relationship with him.

Not long after taking that decision (maybe about 5 minutes), I had this feeling that I wouldn't meet or have any contact with him again in the future. I didn't sure, but I thought maybe that was God telling me this, so that I wouldn't need to wait for him anymore. We only met at the crossroads of our lives. He came in my life for just a very short period, to join him in this same shelter of Christianity. I cried when I realized that his role in my life was over and that I wouldn't meet him again. But, I was also happy because since then I had a bigger figure to rely on, God Himself.

Thank you dear God, for letting me join Your shelter. 

 

Like what have been told in Lady in waiting: Give your heart to Him. And let He decide what's best for you. When the time is right, He will let you find your prince--if meeting a prince is the best thing for you. So, just wait patiently... and trust your heart in Him. =)